Eric’s online diagnosis

Headache, sickness, nausea,

Intolerance to wheat…

“All signs point to cancer,

No doubt too far gone to treat”

Creamy discharge, swollen glands,

It’s stinging when I pee.

Online doctor, tell me why?…

“It sounds like HIV”

Blotchy skin, a flaky scalp,

Flies they seem to follow me…

“It’s looking like it’s leprosy,

Best find yourself a colony”

Puffy eyes and runny nose,

It hurts each time I sneeze.

Might it be a common cold?…

“Nope, it’s heart disease”

Trapped wind, smelly breath,

Found corn in my poo…

“Get yourself to A&E

It seems you have swine flu”

My diagnosis is then?…

“You’ll be dead this time next year”

…Maybe Googling my symptoms

Wasn’t such a good idea.